MUTHAN is.....

I have a story about a man who was very kind. Just mention his name MUTHAN. i call him MUTHAN because he was big burly man, his eyes sharp but wistful, his lips quite thick, he has thick and curly hair. MUTHAN is 21 years old now. Her hobbies are playing football, playing guitar and capoeira. He's the type of man temper. Since childhood,, he likes brawl,, fighting,, cool to the girls who approached him that he didn't like.

But for me,, MUTHAN just a sissy man, and weak in facing the problem. From the outside, he looks strong, calm and fine. But when you look into his heart, you will find gaping holes in there that contains the blood and tears. It's hard to guess what he was feeling, what he experienced. Only the people that he loves and who love him can see the contents of his heart.

Not hard to love MUTHAN, as long as you're willing to open your heart for him,, then you'll love him. You know why? Because he's good-hearted man,, sincere,, willing to sacrifice,, willing to do anything for you,, faithful, and sensitive. Although sometimes he has a bad sense of humor and bad fashion,, somewhat closed and was rather quiet. He always felt himself aggressive, and he's not aggressive enough to be able to say aggressive.

there's a way to make him hates you. Do cheat. So he will be very sick and broken. Then he hates you. He will avoid you forever. He will remove your name from his heart. He would not be willing to communicate with you again. Anytime,, anywhere.

Do you know something I don't like about MUTHAN? He always success to make me cry, cry out loud. Not just sobbing, but sniffle. He always success to make me laugh, laugh out loud. Not just smiling, but laughing.

At first,, MUTHAN is the victim of my egoism. At first,, MUTHAN is the victim of unable to get someone I like. Initially,, MUTHAN is the victim of my desire to have all.

It turns out now, there's something I never would have thought. MUTHAN is the victim of a long heart illness that i buried. MUTHAN is the victim of my revenge that would never be avenged. MUTHAN are victims of the madness that is in me all the years.

The fact that I have received today,, like it or not, I was the victim of betrayal. I was the victim of revenge. I was a victim of the offense. I was the victim of a broken heart. I was a victim of love that MUTHAN has planted in my heart.

ALICE (UNDERGROUND)

Trippin out
Spinning around
I’m underground
I fell down
Yeah I fell down
I’m freaking out, where am I now?
Upside down and I can’t stop it now
Can’t stop me now, oh oh

I, I’ll get by
I, I’ll survive
When the world’s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don’t you try to stop me
I, I won’t cry

I found myself in Wonderland
Get back on my feet, on the ground
Is this real?
Is this pretend?
I’ll take a stand until the end

I, I’ll get by
I, I’ll survive
When the world’s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don’t you try to stop me
I, I won’t cry

I, I’ll get by
I, I’ll survive
When the world’s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don’t you try to stop me
I, and I won’t cry

BETTER THAT WE BREAK

i never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It's not right, not ok
Say the words that you say
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
It's better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You're scared and that you think that I'm insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can't see it clearly
While you're standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It's not right, not ok
Say the word it should say
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
It's better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You're fragile and you're cold, but that's all right
Life these days is getting rough
They've knocked you down and beat you up
But it's just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It's not right, not ok
Say the words that you say
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?

I'm not fine, not ok
Say the words that you say
Maybe we're better off this way?

I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
It's better that we break, baby

gRanDpA n gRanddAuGhtEr st0ry

today, I remember my mama's story about one of her customers. This story about a grandfather and his granddaughter who bought at KFC.

the grandfather said to the cashier,,
"mbak,, I bought a burger that cost 5000."
my mama who accompanied the cashier then said, "sorry, sir. Here is no burger that cost is 5000. maybe in other fast food."
"If so,, what price burgers here?"
"Sixteen thousand, sir."
"Yes I have,, mbak. Burger one."
then the old man walking towards his granddaughter. burger was given to his granddaughter. the grandfather smiled happy to see his granddaughter ate a burger with less gusto. before the burger out,, the granddaughter spoke something to her grandfather. and the granddaughter headed to the cashier, "mbak,, bought it 2,," she said while pointing strawberry bliss. then the grandfather and granddaughter drank strawberry blissss with delight. they were chatting and laughing merrily. likely the grandfather has promised to buy her granddaughter a burger. was pleased that grandpa has fulfilled her promise to her grandson.

my mama said,, the incident reminded her of me and my grandfather. my grandfather who spoiled me. willing to do anything for me. buy whatever I want.

mY fRiGhtEneD

I'm afraid. scared with all the things he and I would be living, I dreamed, I imagine, was not going according to expectations. I'm afraid with the lack of explanation of this relationship. I was afraid of losing him. I'm afraid of losing people who i love anymore. Tragically lost in that way again. 2 people are enough to make me cry when remembering what had happened. Do not have him in the list, now or future.Lost 2 people was really enough to make me sick. makes me paranoid. Paranoid with men. Paranoid with love. Paranoid by appointment. Paranoid by waiting. Paranoid if I'll lose people I love anymore. I do not want to. I'm afraid.

This makes no sense. I fear with something even has not happened. I'm afraid with his promises. I'm afraid with his words that someday he might deny. this Paranoia makes me skeptical. skeptical that made me sick. because it was torturing myself.

I hope what you say,, all the promises that you have spoken to me, will not you deny. you do not know my biggest fear. My biggest fear is YOU!!! I never expected you to understand this, because you have never experienced what I have experienced.

I'm afraid. I longed to leave you now,, from the first. but all have been too late. I lost my direction because of my fears. I panicked. no one can I grab and I hold in such circumstances. all the things that I'm me and he's doing,, it felt unreal.

one thing you need to know, I never feel like this to any man, even Gudhel.
I LOVE U. ..